Making it Better for Everyone

This was written for a class assignment, but I was hoping to get it to a larger audience.  I may have missed the boat on timing, though, so at least I can post it here!  This is my contribution to the critical commentary of the It Gets Better Project, not to tear it down, but to point out the limitations of addressing LGBTQ youth suicides with a single-axis framework.  With a special thanks to Caitlin Breedlove for answering questions and S.I.H for asking them <3.

UPDATE: A wider audience happened sooner than I thought!  Thanks to Caitlin, the article is now posted on S.O.N.G.'s website.

Making It Better for Everyone: A More Careful Look at LGBTQ Youth Suicide

First it was Justin Aaberg.  Then, just two months later, Billy Lucas. 

What both young white men shared besides their age – they were both 15 when they died of suicide – was that homophobic bullying destroyed their lives. 

Dan Savage, the gay white journalist behind the popular syndicated sex column, Savage Love, was frustrated and saddened by the loss of Aaberg and Lucas.  So he started an “It Gets Better” YouTube channel to reach out to those who are terrorized for their perceived or actual sexual identity.  On September 21st, 2010, Savage and his partner, Terry, posted the inaugural video directed at lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) youth contemplating taking their lives, promising “it gets better.”

The next day, 18-year-old white gay Rutgers college student, Tyler Clementi, jumped off the George Washington Bridge after having been cyberbullied by a roommate who streamed Clementi’s sexual encounter with another man online.  His body was recovered a week later. 

Due in part to the publicity around Clementi’s death and the growing media attention surrounding gay male youth suicides that month, the It Gets Better (IGB) project went “viral.”  Savages’s original goal of collecting 100 online video posts offering encouragement to LGBTQ youth was shattered almost overnight.  The project has since swelled to over 10,000 video submissions, including high profile celebrity endorsements such as Ellen DeGeneres, the cast of Glee, Perez Hilton, and Hilary Clinton, all echoing the “it gets better” message.  Even President Barack Obama posted a video advocating for the end of LGBTQ harassment.

The widespread popularity of the project is undeniable – the original video of Savage and his partner has accumulated over 1.2 million hits.  “It Gets Better”-themed events have sprouted up across the United States from California to Maine.  A purple “It Gets Better” t-shirt is available through American Apparel.  And a collection of stories, The It Gets Better Book: Coming Out, Overcoming Bullying, and Creating a Life worth Living, hit bookshelves in March and shot up to the number one spot in Amazon’s “Coming Out” section.

With a cacophony of voices – celebrities, politicians, and regular folks alike – insisting that “it gets better,” such certainty begs the question, does it really?

Beyond LGBTQ Identity

The groundswell behind IGB is clearly responding to a pressing social tragedy.  Suicide is the third leading cause of death for all youth ages 10-24, outranked only by accidents and homicide.  It is estimated that LGBQ youth attempt suicide at rates four times higher than that of their heterosexual peers, and this rate may be even higher for transgendered youth. 

To look at statistics for LGBTQ youth suicide alone, however, only paints a partial picture.  When youth suicide rates rose in 2004, the largest jump was for young girls.  Although young men were almost four times more likely to die from suicide than young women in 2007, young women were almost three times more likely than men to attempt suicide.  In other words, although girls are less likely than boys to die from suicide, they are more likely to try to. 

Nationally, Alaskan natives and Native Americans have suicide rates that are 70% higher than the overall US average.  Latino/a and Black youth are also much more likely to attempt suicide than white youth, with Latino/a youth being the most likely to consider attempting suicide.  Although less data has been collected for Asian American youths, Department of Health and Human Services data shows that Asian American women ages 15-24 have the highest suicide rates among their age and gender group. 

Suicide rates vary by economic status as well.  Poverty, while not directly correlated with suicide, is a high stress condition linked to depression.  LGBTQ youth are overrepresented among the homeless youth population, and in one study of homeless LGBTQ youth, over half reported that they had considered or attempted suicide.

Given the complicated reality of suicide rates, focusing on homophobic bullying alone does not address the gendered, racialized, and classed pressures that lead many LGBTQ youth to see their lives as unlivable.  The suicides that achieved the widespread publicity were those of white boys, but there were likely many more suicide attempts by white girls and youths of color, especially those living on the street, that never caught the public’s attention.

It Doesn’t Get Better For Everyone

Following the release of the It Gets Better Book, David Michael Connor of the Advocate critiqued IGB for privileging the attractive, masculine gay white man.  Indeed, life might not get better for gay white men who do not meet exacting beauty standards, and it certainly is a false message for gay white men like Connor, who struggles with persistent depression.

Beyond the hierarchy of gay male beauty and gender presentation, however, is the privileging of white men, period.  While IGB has made significant and meaningful contributions to LGBTQ suicide and LGBTQ bullying, the project further invisibilizes non-white and non-male LGBTQ youth by only responding to, highlighting, and constantly invoking suicides of mostly white men and boys.

Life may have ‘gotten better’ for Dan Savage and other white gay men with money, but the future of “happiness, potential, and positivity” promised by IGB is not as easily accessible for many LGBTQ youth who are women, low-income or poor, gender non-conforming, and people of color. 

Gabrielle Rivera, a self-identified queer women of color, defied the “it gets better” message in her video contribution to IGB.  “It doesn’t get better, but what does happen is you get stronger,” she said, adding, “Don’t give into this myth that it’s going be fancy and amazing when you’re older and that everything’s going to be fine.” 

Rivera’s video has accumulated 16,000 views, and a transcript of her contribution was included in the It Gets Better Book.  In a recent Time Magazine article, Savage names Rivera’s video as one that “surprised him,” saying that IGB put her video in the top viewing spot even though some thought he would not post it. 

That this video stands out so strongly amid the thousands of contributions speaks to the importance of Rivera’s voice, as well as the rarity of her perspective.  It also points to how the hyper messaging of “it gets better” has left very little room for alternative messages.

The Difference between it Getting Better and Making it Better

Many have challenged the core “it gets better” message as a reactive, rather than proactive, measure to help LGBTQ youth.  Implicit in the ‘it gets better’ frame is that LGBTQ youth should endure bullying until it ends, presumably when they graduate high school.  Encouraging LGBTQ youth to hold out for a better life eventually doesn’t do much for them in the meantime. 

One community group that has addressed this shortcoming is Southerners On New Ground (S.O.N.G.), a social justice group that centers the experiences of southern LGBTQ, low-income people of color.  S.O.N.G. co-director Caitlin Breedlove says, “The idea that "it gets better" suggests that young people should wait, and should not organize.  It intentionally or unintentionally erases the history of struggle in LGBT communities while also not confronting the realities of how deeply our world needs people and youth to fight for gender justice, racial justice, environmental justice, and against systems of oppression.” 

San Francisco’s Gay-Straight Alliance Network, among other organizations, shares this framework.  They created “Make it Better,” a project that aims to empower LGBTQ youth and adult to create immediate change in their schools, neighborhoods, and communities. 

Savage has answered this pervasive criticism by noting that IGB does not prevent people from taking action.  This response, however, does not address the core concern voiced by critics – IGB might not be holding anyone back from taking action, but it is not actively encouraging it, either. 

Reflecting on the strengths of IGB, Breedlove said that it has provided a valuable “space for anguish,” particularly through “access to storytelling through the internet.  It also meets the longing that LGBT adults have to protect youth from homophobia and transphobia.”  But, she adds, “To think about liberation is messy and complicated.”  What IGB proposes is too simple, too neat, and too easy of a response to LGBTQ suicide.  It does not address the far more complex realities of all LGBTQ youth.

Homophobic bullying alone does not define the lives of those who experience racism, sexism, and classism.  In order to truly make life better for LGBTQ youth, we cannot treat LGBTQ bullying as something that is separate from other forms of discrimination and harassment, but rather as something connected to larger systems of oppression. 

Making it better for all LGBTQ youth requires addressing school harassment, yes, but also ensuring adequate food and housing for low-income youth and adults, a living wage and job security, as well as integrated and well-funded schools, for a start.  We also cannot forget that LGBTQ bullying is intimately connected to sexism, and that anti-gay bullying is just as tied to sexist oppression as lesbian-baiting, where women who defy gender expectations are pejoratively called lesbians, regardless of their sexuality.  Addressing LGBTQ bullying without addressing gender discrimination is to miss the forest for the trees.

The It Gets Better Project has provided a valuable space for LGBTQ folks and allies to speak up in support of LGBTQ youth.  But we must remember that the It Gets Better Project on its own won’t necessarily make it so.